ACI Moodle
Three Underrated Relationship Benchmarks
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Often overlooked in the perpetual dating and marriage talk is the fact that there are a number of stages every couple should probably pass in their journey between the beginning (the time he first spied her across the dance floor and walked through 30 feet of hoodrats, club stink, and armed washington wizards just to talk to her) and the beginning of the end (the walk down the alter). this lack of attention to the actual steps sometimes results in us spending so much time discussing points a and b that we’re ill-equipped to make the actual trip.
And, while everyone is aware of pre-marriage relationship benchmarks such as “meeting the parents”, “opening a joint account”, “buying a pet” “swallowing”, and “shopping for rings”, there remains several more underrated stages that hold just as much significance, steps you probably shouldn’t ignore if you want to actually stay at b after you get there.
Here’s three of them
1. The clothes gift surprise stage
While gifts such as diamonds and herpes might be forever, clothing is the one gift that gives everyone (yourselves included) an idea of how much you have invested in the relationship. If you’re wondering how surprising your mate with something as seemingly innocuous as a sweater from the guess store shows how serious your relationship is, consider (as my cousin expressed to me last week) that making an unprompted clothing purchase for someone suggests each of the following:
a) you’ve spent enough time around this person to have an idea of their personal style and favorite store/designer. Basically, you know your man well enough to know not to go to the adidas outlet to get him new sneakers because you know he usually rocks nike when he plays ball
b) you’ve paid enough attention to them that you’re aware of what they need…or already have in bulk (you know your girl already has two red banana republic sweaters so you know you probably shouldn’t buy her a third).
c) you know their size, and you’ve done the proper research, inquisition, and investigation to figure it out. Why is all of that necessary? Well, lets just say that i found out the hard way that finding the right size for a woman isn’t as easy as just thinking about them and saying “yea, i think they’ll fit this”.
Also, you probably don’t want to be the cat who gets your chick a 36 c bra from vickys when she’s really a 32 b, because you don’t want her to ever pull the “so, you’re not satisfied with my boob size, huh? Maybe i should buy your slightly above average ass some magnum xl’s then. How do you like those apples, bitch?” card on you.
d) you plan on being around to witness them actually wearing it. No one’s going to surprise someone with a pair of jeans if they’re planning on dumping them the next weekend
2. The “i’m having conversations with your friends while you’re not around” stage. (also known as the “you begin to refer to certain people as “our friends” stage)
Reaching this stage implies that you’ve managed to accomplish two equally important things:
a) you’ve already passed the all important ‘meeting the friends‘ phase with flying colors
b) you trust your mate enough to have them conversate and shit with your friends when you’re not in the picture.
At this point, its no big deal if you just happened to have an hour long facebook chat with her homegirl about ray j, p*rn, and p*rn made by ray j.
3. The “you know what, i’m gonna take a sh*t in his toilet, and its ok” stage
I’m not saying that you need to go all ‘dinner at the klumps’ on each other, but if you think you’re really into someone and you still haven’t made it to the sh*t stage, then maybe its time to re-think those joint lease plans.
This sentiment extends to burping, bleeding, and any other bodily function. personally, i think its a bit odd to be ok with catching kids on your chest but still freaked out about farting, but thats just me
Anyway, falks, what say you? are the listed “stages” actually meaningful, or are they just more evidence of the champ’s impending insanity?
Also, are there any other important relationship stages i neglected to mention?