ACI Moodle
The Dynamics of a Really Great Butt
There’s a delusion that’s widespread among young women who look at the world through rose-colored glasses. And it’s truly a crime of epic proportions.
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Many idealist-type young women naively believe that certain people who show them thoughtfulness and generosity are the sincerest of folk- who’d gladly lay their jackets down over a puddle of mud to keep them from slipping, because they think people are naturally inclined to exercising that kind of humility. They emphatically believe deep down that people give them attention and do them favors strictly out of the kindness of their hearts because “a man helps out his fellow man”.
I’m about to feed them the biggest and most-loaded up soggy dog crap sandwich of their lives.
There’s a very fine line I can walk without sounding too full of myself and being totally modest, and I’m going to give it my best shot. Though first I must warn you, I am by no means claiming to be the hottest thing to come strutting down the block since Sophia Loren. And to say I ever belonged on the cover of Elle magazine is the biggest hallucination I could ever fabricate by any stretch of anyone’s absurd imagination.
I’m just a normal gal, like every normal gal, who knows how to strategically apply makeup and knows where to find the best shapewear money can buy. Women “secretly” know that these things help us out tremendously and that’s why some of us spend nearly half our salaries on clothes, lingerie, makeup, hair products and double-sided tape. Without these clever devices, nearly all of us would be completely unremarkable at best. And those women who say they don’t need or use these things are themselves suffering from the biggest delusion of all.
Pretty girls are a dime a dozen, and most of them are pretty by virtue alone, because they are young. Nature is very kind and forgiving of young women in allowing their breasts to stay the same shape despite any bodily twist or contortion (get your mind out of the gutter), while their butts remain as tight and smooth as the brand-new leather upholstery inside a fresh-off-the-assembly-line Aston Martin. The upkeep required to look as good as they do is usually quite minimal and all the beer, greasy French fries and sleezy all-nighters they can muster hardly bodes them any damage (enjoy it while it lasts, my friends).
In essence, time is at their mercy and so are scores of men, who’d gladly sell their houses and their mothers just to date them, often in the foolish and dismal hope of ever claiming them for themselves.
When I was 21, and a cocktail waitress at the strip joint, I watched money flood the place like a 3-month monsoon in Ho Chi Minh City. Luckily, I was able to get my hands on some of it for myself. And I didn’t have to remove any clothing -I left that up to the truly beautiful women who performed there, who’d leave some nights with upwards of 5 to 10-grand tied to their skirts.
These women were absolute “10s”. If there is such a thing, they were it. They were by far the best looking women I’d ever seen in person. Some of them were Playboy centerfolds and had regulars who’d come in to see them once a week and throw money at them like kids throw sand at each other under the monkey bars. You couldn’t blame the men for wanting them so badly. It’s a crime to look THAT GOOD.
About a month ago I saw a girl in a grocery store parking lot, stranded and frantic, her beat up old model Toyota was broken down. I was sitting in my car for no more than what seemed like 2 seconds before I saw a young man come railing towards her, ready to save her like every disgustingly proverbial “knight in shining armor” ever written about in a trashy Harlequin novel.
He proceeded to look under the hood of the car and get his hands dirty, despite wearing a dress shirt and tie and despite not having the slightest damned clue what he was doing. And the girl, young and gorgeous of course, thanked him very generously. For what, I’m not sure because he didn’t fix anything and she ended up having to call a tow truck anyway.
Yet, she surrendered to him and his noble act of kindness. He was the good-Samaritan guy, who rescued her simply because he was a wonderfully caring and bighearted bloke. Just a random cool dude she was certain would gladly help anybody out.
What a huge stinking load of crap.
She honestly couldn’t see through his obvious attempt to get at her yummy goods by playing on her pleas of a “damsel in distress”, while coyly and “coincidentally” slipping her his business card upon leaving. She couldn’t possibly understand that her low-cut draw string pants and crop top barely exposing her snowflake diamond belly ring was a lure that worked better than a trash can full of rotting food in a camp full of starving bears. He saw a great opportunity. A chance to meet a hot chick. That’s it. Period. End of story.
The probability is 99.9% certain, without a shred of doubt TRUE that if she was an old, 220-pound, gray-haired, frumpy-clothed hag with orange lipstick all over her teeth, he wouldn’t give her a second look, much less notice she was standing there in the first place, in broad daylight, hood popped open crying desperately for help. I see it happen all the time and so do you.
So next time you get that free steak dinner, a $200 dollar tip, a complimentary back rub and a chance to cut to the front of that long line at the grocery store, don’t kid yourself. Chances are you were given these tokens of “generosity” by a man who fancies your pert and beautiful rear end. A man who would gladly cut open an artery in a nanosecond just to see it in all its glory and perfection beneath the obscurity you tell him is a pencil skirt -of which you thought he was paying you a sincere compliment. Smoke and mirrors aside, the only thing he knows about your skirt is that it’s in his way.
Hopefully you’ll open your eyes to this long before you yourself may ever become that poor, distressed, lipsticky snaggle-toothed hag. You know, the one everyone wishes would get out of the way because she’s blocking the view of an amazingly hot chick, whose among yet another 6 million more amazingly hot chicks.